[dev] near zero « Tidepool News

As they say in the backpacking world, yesterday and today were “nero” days, or near-zero days.  I began Friday anxious and overwhelmed, then gradually sunk lower into a prolonged funk, a sure sign of burnout.  Developing Tidepool during back-to-back business trips took its toll, to say nothing of the stress of my other neglected project.

While curled in a fetal position, feeling my long ignored emotions as they caught up to me, I dwelt on just why it is I’m doing all this, and whether it’s worth it.  Existential doubt is a familiar theme in any bounds-stretching project.  It’s a recurring rite of passage to question pretty much everything you once held dear.

I’m a week away from a conference where I need to brag shamelessly, and tonight I feel like I just don’t have the power.  Between the hotel, bus, and printing costs, the conference will cost $2000 we really can’t afford right now.   Yes, the conference could lead to great & mysterious things.  Yes, I’ll make contacts that’ll build our community.

But it’ll all be a waste if I’m a lump on a log. It’ll hurt that much more if I don’t have it in me to represent my dream.  Tonight I want to cancel the trip and switch to money-mode.

Okay, I’ll sleep on it. If I don’t post for a while, assume I put Tidepool on a shelf again so I can bill a bunch of hours.

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